all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Naughty Mom Eats Ice Pop

It was the salsa that did me in.  My favorite kind too.  Southwest corn salsa.  I ate it.  The whole container.  Twenty four hours later, it all came back up.  Poisoning by Lent.  I wasn't supposed to eat meat, so I had to eat something exciting.  This way I got to eat it twice.  Dear God, I apologize for eating the whole container.  I promise it will never happen again.  Can you change the whole Friday deal?  Like maybe we could give up southwest corn salsa?  Or maybe you could shorten Lent.  Just by a week or so?  Thank you for addressing my concerns.  Here's a twenty.  Buy yourself a hot dog.

I was glad to know it was food specific and not a stomach bug.  My never ending patience, love for poop, eagerness to clean sippy cup plugs with Q-tips....all qualities I'd like to pass onto my children.  Vomiting, not so much.  Grady was not going to let me off that easy.  This morning I found him with a bowl of raw egg, slurping it up... just to prove...something. 

I know other mothers wonder about me.  They point out that one of my children is eating rocks, licking random empty potato chip bags lying on the ground, chewing and swallowing an entire container of Bubble Tape, or perhaps sucking on the shopping cart.  I may feign utter revoltion, but moms can tell.   I don't give a crap.   Maybe I forgot to give them their vitamins.  Or maybe they're hoping the other mom will whip out some fruit snacks instead.  Or maybe I just figure anything is better than raw egg.

This year for Lent I gave up sweets and soda.  I've slipped a few of times.  I should have done better.  I gave up the same things last year, so I had some practice.  Looking for other ideas?  For a few years, in a show of solidarity, Sean and I gave up birth control.  We were so good at it in fact, we continued with our promise throughout the year. Super performers, I think technically is how they refer to people like us.

I drank a sip of the kid's soda.  Totally by accident I swear.  It was root beer...and I don't even like root beer.  I ate a jelly bean, but felt so bad while chewing it that I spit it out.  When I was really desperate, I ate Froot Loops.  A shameful secret I know.  When I was sick...from being forced to eat southwest corn salsa due to lack of meat...I totally would have drank an unholy soda, if there was any in the house.  There wasn't.  So I ate an ice pop.  And I didn't spit it out.

I think that Lillian is in more trouble than me anyway.  She had two dollars and a quarter to put in the offering basket at Mass today.  After the basket passed through, I looked over....and she still had the quarter.  She'll be throwing up tomorrow.

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