all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Mass Sex Is The Best Sex...Or So I've Been Told

I'm used to the stares.  People trying to figure out if they're all mine and if they are...what the hell was that crazy woman thinking.  I'm used to the questions.  Are they all yours?  How far apart are they?  Are two of them twins?  Do they all nap?  And the statements.  Boy, you sure do have your hands full.  I don't know how you do it.  You must sleep good at night.  Then there are the elders,  who tell me about raising their own young family, with even more kids.  Perhaps 10 under 6.  I get worried.  Please don't touch me, I might catch it. Then it happened.  Something I have neither seen nor heard before. Someone hollered to me from their car window.  I was walking into Sears, with Dempsey on my back, and Lil and Grady at each side holding a hand.  "They say mass sex is the best kind of sex!" The male voice shouts.  Did someone really just yell that?  Or are those voices coming back?  I thought I got rid of those.  Must call doctor.  Lil looks up at me and says, "Mom, I think he's talking to you."

When I think about giving birth to three kids in three and a half years, it does seem crazy. I forget that I did it.  It never felt like the kids were born that close together.  I cannot imagine my life any other way.  In fact, I think I'd pick my nose more.  I'd be bored...and I'd miss the snot.  Without the triple threat, I would miss out on the hunts for Bigfoot, and I wouldn't know nearly as much about him as I do. Like the fact that he eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from the front night...while we sleep... and he litters.  He has robbed Sears.  And tried to attack the Easter Bunny.  I wouldn't have experienced the delightful sound of Karma Chameleon being played by dueling recorders while we are all trapped riding in the van.  My parents bought the children recorders for Easter.  Why?  You ask.  Because they hate me.  I was aware they didn't quite like me as much once the grandchildren were born, but honestly, I never thought they'd take it this far.  I would never know that a 14 month old could scale a wall to reach a slide and master a ladder to a top bunk.  The same top bunk passed up by his brother and they can sleep together on the bottom. 
Dempsey spotted Bigfoot

Our best Easter picture...

Easter bunny or Bigfoot???

I wouldn't know that I'm fun too.  Because after all, where else do they learn this stuff?  I check around for Bigfoot when there's a big mess in the kitchen.  I shout out all the wrong words when Karma Chameleon comes on.  I scale the walls every day, hoping there is a secret escape hatch in my ceiling.  And I sleep with my brother husband too. I try to set a good example, and I hope I can teach them as much as they teach me. 

And I'm really going to try to keep this mass sex thing under control.  I am a mother after all.   I'll blame it on their father.

If  mass sex made you giggle, vote for me!  One click is all it takes!

No comments:

Post a Comment