all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Friday, April 20, 2012

Mommy Licked the Dentist

If it was socially acceptable I would have made out with a receptionist today.  And licked my dentist.  Because that's what Grady does to show his affection.  I learned it by watching you son. So shoot me.  I'm annoying.  I floss everyday, brush my teeth every time I change a diaper (don't even try to figure out that correlation), and lick see my dentist every six months.  

I took just the Dempster to my biannual cleaning this morning.  The most incredible receptionist runs this office.  She is the mother of three teen aged boys, all a year apart.  And she always has watched one, or two, or three of my children while I have my checkup.  This morning, Dempsey balked.  And he's the one that will go to anyone.  Not today.  He ended up on my lap.  Huddled and pissed that I had abandoned him at the front desk.  All was well for the first half.  I had given him a pop.  Because that's what this family is known for.  He ate that, then ate the stick.  And contemplated his payback.  It happened so fast.  There I was, reclined, baby gyrating on my chest, having poop scraped off my teeth, all the while making googly eyes at my dentist.  Dempsey sat up, grabbed the cup of spit water, and dumped it on me.  Then for good measure, he ripped off my bib.  Dr. Iwanttolickyou, just laughed, smiled, nodded, and continued.  Like any good man should.  Remind me again when my husband's next appointment is?  Can I lick you now?

In most families, the flu runs rampant.  In ours, it's naughtiness. Mommy trying to lick the dentist was the grand finale.  Lillian started it on Monday.  I blame her.  Sean told her she needed to listen to mommy.  She told him she wasn't naughty because she didn't listen, it was because she is crazy.  And the cut on her toe made her do it.  Her cut, by the way, reminds me of my boobs.  You think they're there, but they're really not.   He reminded her that at a year and a half  she had a huge cut on her forehead, and she wasn't crazy then.  Note to self, have Sean evaluated for Alzheimer's.  Lillian insisted that now that scar must be coming back to haunt her and making her crazy years later.  Have Lillian evaluated for Alzheimer's

I called my mom tonight to tell her my tale of woe.  Grady got on the phone.  "Who are you?" He asked her.  Have Grady's evaluated for Alzheimer's

Benched for naughtiness.  I heart television.

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