Three Under Five and Still Alive: Why My Way Works

We took the triple threat to a kite festival on Saturday. Kites were bought and Saturday morning arrived. We drive to one of our favorite parks. We unload. And Grady only wore one shoe. So he goes barefoot. "Do you know how to fly a kite?" I ask Sean. A little late I suppose. At this point does it really matter what the answer is. He puts the ladybug together. The penguin is next. "I think you're supposed to run while you do it." I tell Sean. That's how I would do it anyway. Not that I've ever gotten a kite into the air by myself before. "Do you see anyone else running?" Sean asks me. I look around. Nope. No one is running. Well except for Dempsey. But he doesn't have a kite. He's just trying to find a new family. Do you see anyone else with a kite up their ass? Nope. But it doesn't mean it's not about to happen. Just sayin'.

Dempsey finds a new family

The penguin and the ladybug

I love festivals and I love this time of year. The kids fly through the back yard. Self identified as Super Girl, Super Boy, and Super Baby. Lillian coaches Grady on foot placement in order to properly scale the fence and unlock the gate. They drown caterpillars. They call me a poopy butt one hundred and nine times a day. I try to teach them good manners. I tell them poopy butt is not a nice word. "What if God decided poopy butt was a nice word?" Lil wants to know. I don't think he has the authority. He granted that to parents. At least we get to be in charge of something. Lillian farts. I tell her not to fart in front of people. "But what if it's a quiet fart?" She asks. Grady props his penis on a bucket in the bathtub. Then pees, in arc form, onto Lillian. Lillian laughs. Then she stands up and pees on him. Please don't pee on people. I promise Grady if he pees on the potty instead of on his sister, I will give him one M & M. Two for pooping...on the potty...not on his sister. He sits on the toilet. And pees. "It's hard to poop." He tells me. "How 'bout just pee? How 'bout M & M's?" He reasons.

Drowned caterpillars

Sean patiently untangles many kite strings on Saturday. He gets both kites in the air, without running. I don't really try to stick a kite up his butt. Just in case you wanted to know though. And I know you do. My way does work. The kids did it by themselves. They still listen to me. Only on Saturdays. They ran. Kites flopping, like fish out of water, behind them. Until they were up in the air. The ladybug and the penguin. Flying high for daddy to see. I see somebodies running. And their kites are in the air. Just sayin'.