Public. Me. I'm allowed now. And children...they aren't invited. The people who give drug tests said so. And they let me pee by myself.
I am coaching a middle school running team and had to submit to a drug screen. Last week I went to the lab, with Grady and Dempsey, while Lil was in school. I strapped both boys into the stroller...with a pop. I have taken all three in for bloodwork before and didn't think it would be a problem. But there I go thinking again. These lab people had other ideas. It is against their policy for children to be present during a drug screen. They cannot be outside the bathroom door and apparently they cannot even be in the waiting room. I can only assume these drug testers mistakenly thought I would be able to cajole a one year old and/or a two year old boy to pee in that little cup for me. As I'm sure you already know...even if they can pee on a potty...boys can't aim. Or, maybe they thought I'd be in there squeezing the hell out of a wet Pamper. Either way, they weren't letting that stinkin' cup out of their stinkin' hands. And once again I was losing out on an opportunity to pee without children. That night Grady took me by surprise, he must have heard me talking about him and felt the need to redeem himself. During bathtime, he peed into a travel size shampoo bottle... and dumped it on Dempsey's head. Take that Mom.
Sean and I have switched our weekly 'at home' date nights to 'out in public' date nights. It's hard to find a babysitter. Even harder when you are the mother of the triple threat. You know you've found the right one when she can carry a squealing boy under each arm and haul their little hineys back to where they are supposed to be. Last week we escaped. Only to find, before we even left our neighborhood, that I had left my cell phone. We had to have the phone in case Rachael called to say she was running away. In the time it took Sean to run into the house and retrieve it, Grady had climbed into the back seat of the car, shut the door, and buckled himself in. We shoved him out and Sean raced away. Living up to Grady's infamous saying, "Daddy goes faster but mommy goes longer."
I did get to pee in that cup by the way. The only time in the past four years that I've done it without being watched. The technician told me "Good luck." As if she knew. Like I may forget how to do it by myself. It was great. I think I want to do it again. Tonight we're going to a hockey game..grown ups only. And I think I may just pee while we're there.
I hope I started your day laughing! If you liked it, vote for me! Just click on the banner below and that's it, hope you get to pee by yourself today!