Hooray for Boobies

I've been milked.  My children have sucked the life out of my boobs.  All this butt talk the other day got me thinking about my other bumps.  Or lack there of.  It wasn't always that way.  Boy did I have some knockers.  The day I came home from the hospital with Lillian, Sean and I looked in the mirror, and I swear I thought we'd both keel over with delight.   Coolest.thing.ever.  They were D's...and I should have named them when I had the chance.  Seriously... I never knew the bra alphabet went past the letter C until that day.   I've never seen more perfect breasts.  And damn it... all A,B,C, and D of them went to waste.  Making milk for an infant who didn't even appreciate them.  It all just came right back out...from both ends of her.  They never did get quite that big again.  It was a once in a life time boobortunity.  I wish I'd taken pictures.  In loving memory...of my boobs.  I should get one of those 'in loving memory' decals...and slap it right on the back of my 'the kids have sucked the life out of my taste in vehicles' mini van.  Rest in peace boobies.

Last night I was washing my bras in the sink.  A little tid bit I picked up from my mother.  She also used to tell me that more than a handful was a waste...or was it a mouthful.  But I digress.   I'm pretty sure the intention of the sink wash was to extend the wearability of pretty, little lacy Victoria's Secret numbers.  Not my boring, older than my oldest child, white and tan, nipple covers. Embarrassingly small 34 B's, hanging from the towel rack, just like they do from my body.  My bras...not my boobs.  Not enough boob to hang.  I'm sure I'll appreciate this...when I'm 102.   Their Sears tags waving through the air, like the distant memory of my porn stars appendages.  I laughed.  It was almost as funny as when Grady asked me if he had a black penis.  Napolean complex.   For me and Grady.

Lillian is still mocking my boobs with her puke, nearly five years later.  I swear just last night, after seeing my pitiful Sears purchases uglying up the bathroom, she vomited banana mucous all over her bed.  I put her in the tub, and Sean sat with her while I changed the sheets.  My over the shoulder pebble holders were so intoxicating, she fell alseep in the tub.    My boobs just have that sort of effect on people.  Look, Sean's been asleep for like, five years....how did you think I got two more kids out of him?  Hooray for boobies.

This is actually Lillian's head on my boobs.  In loving memory of my boobs,  May 2007 to June 2008.

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