all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Blinking is Hazardous to my Health

I'm trying to find a way to bypass blinking.  Because honestly, I'm scared of what the kids do while my eyes are closed.   Plus, there's a good chance my eyes will remain shut and I'll pass out while standing up.  After school, the kids play outside with their friends.  If I get caught up talking to another mom, sometimes I forget I have children.  I'll 'come to' and look around and think, oh my, I lost one, maybe two.  Other times, I'm more cognisant of my motherly obligations.  When someone starts a conversation I can turn my ear towards them but keep my eyes on the triple threat.  I'm pretty sure it's a scary sight. I bet my eyes go in three directions at once.  That's probably why they run away from me.  And then, just when that mom is about to tell me her super secret for raising subdued, well behaved children that go to bed at 7pm , I have to bolt away, preventing Dempsey from disconnecting the heating and air conditioning unit. 

What's really unfair is a child's ability to get one over on me, but I really can't get anything past them.  I'm working on this skill.  Grady is in bed the other night, it's 10:30pm and he's still not asleep.  BUT he was in the bed,  win for me.  His ears are on high alert, always making sure I'm not having too much fun without him.  I crack open one of those incredibly incredible and unnecessarily loud Guinness cans with the nitrogen cartridge.  Come on Guinness...what were you thinking?  Moms heart Guinness.  We drink the beer and then suck on the cartridge.  Please fix your product.  Grady calls to me from the bunks " drinkin' beer?  You like beer?  Where'd you get that beer?  The beer store?"  Grady...why do you ask me questions you already know the answer to?  I'm drinking chocolate milk... love it actually...and I bought it from the chocolate milk store. 

All the kids love the beer store, we often call it the pretzel store, because they always get one while we're there (a pretzel...not a beer).  Last summer we walked to the playground by the pretzel store.  Ingenious idea, right?  After one hour, four minutes and thirty three seconds of pure pleasure, I need to escape (the playground...not the beer store).   To convince the kids to leave,  I shout a promise to take them to the pretzel store.  A dad walks over to me, looking very excited.  He says he has lived in the area for years and doesn't know of any pretzel store.  And all along I thought those daddies weren't paying attention!  I hate to disappoint him.  But isn't a beer store better than a pretzel store anyway?  Be thankful for what you have sir....a beer store that gives away free pretzels!  I think about this for a moment...I suppose a pretzel store that gives aways free beer would be a more awesomer place to visit.  Will talk to beer store manager with inventive idea.  Maybe I will win free beer and free pretzels.  Fun for the whole family.

Then today it happens again...I blink.  There's a water fight in the downstairs bathroom.  I go to take a swig of water before joining in.  There is a toothbrush and a rubber lizard staring back at me from my glass.  And that lizard's not blinking.


  1. This makes me want to go to the pretzel store.

  2. Also, I love the ad for a cup that allows you to drink beer in the shower! I've been waiting for something like that for years!

    1. seriously? i missed that one! this adsense thing knows me so well. it took me a while to realize that the ads change according to what your post is about. i'm a quick one.....