all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Be Nice to the Gookers

I always find myself telling the kids to be nice.  To me, to Sean, to each other, to animals, to friends, to themselves, to their toys.  I think I need to come up with a more descriptive word.  When I say it, I feel like it's not exactly what I mean.  Maybe kind would be a better word.  Today I needed my own reminder.

We are in church, of all places.  Mass has just begun and there is a baptism today.  The parents, their soon to be baptized infant son, and the godparents, are gathered on the alter facing the congregation.  I see the godmother and the first word that comes to mind is hooker.  I know, be nice.  I also know I shouldn't be thinking about hookers in church.  You'll be glad to know I'm alive and well and lightening didn't strike.  So the next time you're there, think away.  But really, it isn't nice to watch. And she appears young enough that a parent should have intervened.  Chomping gum, wearing clothing that may require medical intervention to remove and something on her feet that closely resembles fuzzy slippers.  Although, on my daily errand runs I have noticed that slippers are now considered socially acceptable in public.  I waste too many days contemplating that one.  Her fingernails could take an eye out and are covered in blue glitter.  I can also only assume that she lost her hair brush.  It happens to me, I really can't judge.  I think she may have even rolled her eyes.  Up towards God I'm sure.  Very ungodmotherly.  That poor, soon to be holy, kid.  At least he's a boy.  He won't be taking any fashion advice from this gooker.   I know, I know, you can't judge a book gooker by it's lack of cover.  I'm sure she'll teach him all things holy and nothing gooker like.  I need to be nicer.  But come on gooker, is this really how you want to start your reign?

My thoughts don't get any nicer.  With at least forty-five minutes left to go in Mass,  I'm in the bathroom with Grady. A grandmother walks in with her granddaughter.  They happen to be sitting right next to us in our pew.  This child cannot be older than three.  The kid has to go to the bathroom.  The grandmother mentions there are no toilet seat covers and can she just wait until they get home to go to the bathroom?  I want to bop this woman on the head.  Gooker.  Be nice Lisa. 

Grady is being very nice.  All he screams talks about is running up onto the alter to 'tiss' (kiss) Father Jeff.  I try to shoosh him.  Tissing priests in the Catholic church is apparently frowned upon these days.  He finishes his pop and chucks the slimy stick over his shoulder.  To share a lick with the very nice people sitting in the pew behind us.  Maybe they think he's a gooker.  Not nice to think, dear people kneeling behind us.

So glad my name starts with an L.  So when people think of calling me a hooker in the very nicest way possible...which wouldn't be a very nice thing to do...I would just be a looker.


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