I thought I was the bombdiggity when I scheduled appointments for both boys at the same time. I called in December to make Dempsey's twelve month check up and Grady's two year old lead screening. I mean really, he JUST turned two in June, so I'm only what, eight months late? Okay, not good. The last time I thought that, Dempsey was born.
Our pediatrician's main office now has a phlebotomist and it's really not that much farther of a drive then our regular haunt. No more field trips to Quest lab with three tykes in tow, canoodling with Annapolis's finest, slinking in for drug urinalysis. I scheduled Demps for 3:00 and asked that Grady's blood draw be at the same time. Nice receptionist told me it should be fine but the lab schedule for the new year wasn't available yet so I should call back. I dutifully call back only to find out the phlebotomist's last appointment for the day is at 2:30. I take it.
My former childless self would be half an hour early to appointments. I've learned to never arrive anywhere early with children. We get there right at 2:30. I check in and surprised lady asks if I have anyone to help me? What are you suggesting woman? What kind of help do you think I need? I look to my left and look to my right. I even look behind me. Nope...don't see anyone with their hand in the air. Well, my daughter is four, she's a big help! Oh, and I have a stroller to strap one into. Without too much destruction left in our wake and only a small argument over who will race the stroller back to the lab, we are called for our first appointment. It goes smashingly well, Grady is a superstar. With a glow in the dark bandage, we are sent back to mix with the normal folk.
I barely have time to unbuckle the Dempster before we are headed back to an exam room. Grady sticks his finger in an outlet and grabs a few things from the trash can, Lillian vaults on and off the exam table, and Dempsey gets weighed. Our pediatrician opens the door and Grady escapes. Not so fast doctor starts running...so do a couple of nurses (who are also not so fast)..."Catch him!" They call. Lillian runs after all of them. I hide in the room with Dempsey. I try to lock the door... to no avail. Stupid doctor's office. Grady zigzags through two hallways, a train of people sprinting after him, and back out into the waiting room before they corner him at the fish tank. They drag his scrawny butt back to the dreaded room. Our pediatrician is not amused. Dempsey has no idea what is going on, he looks up at the tiger on the wall and growls.
Dr. Does-not-think-my-family-is-as-entertaining-as-I-do, asks if Dempsey climbs up the stairs yet? Yes. And do we have gates so he doesn't fall back down? Well, duh, he can climb back down them too. All of my children are pretty physical you know. Yes, she can see that, she tells me. The visit is coming to an abrupt end. Good luck, she says. Did she just say I'm crazy? She hands me a lab slip. A lead test for Dempsey.
A much more subdued 'I'm Grady.' I just had to hear it for myself. It really does sound like 'I'm crazy.'