Ten Reasons Why Alcohol Should be Served at Preschool Christmas Programs

Tonight was Lillian's preschool Christmas program.  She's been practicing for weeks.  Shooshing baby Jesus, cloping like a donkey's feet, nodding like Mary's tired head.  I should have been practicing too.  Honing my mommy skills. Sean was coaching his middle school basketball team tonight.  It was mom versus the triple threat.  Chasing three kids in the midst of the witching hour, tracking down four sippy cups before the black mold sets in, changing two poopy diapers, wiping Lil's butt after she poops on a toilet (I know, pooping on a toilet, it's the new fad), looking for stray poop in the family room after Grady removed his own diaper ( I won't tell you which couch in case you ever visit), ironing a dress, preventing Dempsey from chewing on the iron cord,  sitting on Dempsey in the outside chance he'll let me wipe his nose, shooing Grady out of every bathroom in the house, nursing one child, preparing edible food for all three, brushing Lil's hair into her requested side ponytail (for which I can only blame my own 80's obsession), slicking down Grady's cowlick, dispensing Benadryl to Dempsey (wishing I could justify giving it to the others), undoing Lillian's make up job, dressing myself and three kids in clothes free of snot and poop, then drying Grady's shirt after he took a 'bath' in the sink, and figuring out where the milk went after I found an empty gallon jug in Lil and Grady's bedroom (they blamed each other and Sean claimed the kids said I let them have it). By the time we were all buckled into the van, I just wanted to go back into the house and guzzle a beer...or five.  While I should have been paying attention to my rock star daughter and her motley crew of wailing classmates, I was instead coming up with my top ten reasons why alcohol should be served at preschool Christmas programs.

1. The singing would have hurt less
2. No one would mind that Grady was drinking the Holy Water.  It didn't do any good in case you   were wondering.
3. The wine is already there, it'll go bad by Sunday anyway. 
4. When Dempsey climbed onto the alter the other parents would have mistook him for baby Jesus instead of shooting me death glares for screwing up their photo op
5. Because I really needed a beer 

Reasons 6 through 10...see below