The grocery store is always an adventure. Today, we went to a different store than we normally do. They only have the "old fashioned" carts. No football field length carts with cars on the end. No giant green lizard shaped carts. And certainly not their all time favorite... the cartoon carts that show Jake and the Neverland Pirates. We have to rough it. Dempsey in the Bjorn, Grady in the seat (with the fake buckle that never actually works), and Lil hanging off the back end. Battle #1 is over cheese balls. I feel like I can't even say cheese balls outloud...it just doesn't even sound appropriate. Lillian wants cheese balls, Grady wants cheese puffs, and I want something that didn't cost $4.99 for a 12 oz package of puffed orange air. Lillian wins. Battle #2 is over who gets to hold the bag. Grady wins. Lil sobs. Tonight she tells me, "And today I wasn't in a good mood because I was cryin' about those Cheetos."
In the van on the way home from the store I hear Lillian telling Dempsey a story, reading it from a blank notebook. The only bits I can capture is something about Joseph kissing Mary and the dinosaurs and dragons gathering around baby Jesus. This whole Catholic education thing really isn't working out for our family. At Mass on Sunday Lil was singing "Lamb of God, you take away the seeds of the world." And Grady was standing on the kneeler gyrating to My Soul In Stillness Waits. Grady is already on the naughty list after trying to steal Santa's purple decorative present at the mall display. He had done his duty and asked Santa for a gift and figured he should get one. Lillian stands in front of our Christmas tree and farts for a full 30 seconds today. She laughs so hard she falls over. I'm sure there has to be some commandment out there, "Thou shall not fart on one's own Christmas tree." But who knows, she may be in the clear. She did comment, "Christmas is the best year of my life." When Santa visited our neighborhood on the fire truck, Dempsey pulled his beard off. They are all getting coal.
I really have to hear this Christmas story. I ask Lillian if she will please read it to me. She's annoyed, "Moooom, didn't you hear me tell it to Demsey? It's like twenty pages long!" She relents. Maybe I shouldn't have asked...
A Christmas Story
By: Lillian Barnum (in her own words)
"The Life of Joseph"
This is what actually happened in Heaven. One day Joseph went to the desert. Joseph saw a beautiful woman and he said, "What is your name?" And she said, "It is Mary." And Mary was about to have a baby Jesus. The donkeys and the cows and the sheep all gathered around to see baby Jesus. One day Mary went lookin' for Joseph and Mary found Joseph. All the sisters and all the brothers came to the ball to see Mary and Joseph marry each other. The two step sisters didn't even like that Mary and Joseph were gettin' married. Santa was watchin' those stepsisters. Then a superhero came and he put those step sisters into jail, even the step mother. And they lived happily ever after. Then Mary said, "Oh no! It's midnight!" and her glass slipper fell off. Joseph said, "I'll find this owner to the glass slipper." And he went lookin' and they lived happily ever after. The end. The shepards and the wisemen all stayed at the stable to watch baby Jesus. Then Mary saw her prince with the glass slipper and Joseph put the slipper on and it fit. When Mary and Joseph came back from the ball, Jesus was all growed up. And they lived happily ever after. The end.
Pray for us.