all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Thursday, October 4, 2012

No Class

So when the neighbor showed up in his wife beater and silk boxer shorts at the bus stop the other day, I just had to open my big, fat mouth to my facebook peeps.  I couldn't control myself.  It made me think of Sean and his mullet cam when we used to go to pumpkin' chunkin'.   I thought I should have a bus stop cam.  I would start out each morning camming myself.  Like this morning,  when I arrived at Grady's preschool with my shirt on inside out.  I noticed it an hour later while using a public restroom.  Then later, while using another public restroom ( I pee a lot, thanks babies), I realized that yes, I had correctly turned it to the right side, but now it was on backwards.

Tonight, as I was sitting at the dining room table, I heard our front, storm door open.  Thinking it was Sean, I got up and opened the door.  I saw a 5th grade boy with his dad, and his dog.  They were handing out fliers for movie night in the other cul-de-sac.  I happened to be bra less, as usual... not much work for a bra to do here...thanks milk sucking babies.  My top half was adorned in a see through wife beater... just trying to fit in.  My shorts, sort of covering my bottom half, were only appropriate for sleeping.  The dad asked how old the kids were.  I had to think about it.  I remembered.  He asked me if I was the babysitter.  I should have said yes.  And blamed my inappropriate attire on Miss Rachael.  Sorry Miss Rachael.  But I didn't.  I took the compliment.  I think he might have had a slutty mom cam.   I probably snagged the starring role on his facebook status tonight.  Damn facebook.

Lillian was home from school today.  With a fever.  I can't even say she was sick.  She ran around like just like it was any other day.  But I'm a rule follower.  Fever = no school.  I was just happy I didn't have to go to the bus stop.  Who knows what sort of wardrobe malfunction may have occured.

We went to Michael's craft store this afternoon.  The place is so filthy I didn't feel bad about spreading Lil's germs.  I peed there too.  I had changed shirts by this time.  I'd chosen one that was much easier to distinguish inside out, from right side in, and backwards from forwards.  Customers were just happy to see that I was wearing a bra and had on acceptable bottoms.  No slutty mom material here folks.  Please move on.  And don't mind the sick kid testing out all the star shaped lollipops on abnormally long sticks.  You really shouldn't be buying those for your children anyway.  They'd look inappropriate sucking on them.

On the way to Michael's, I told the kids we were buying crafts for Lillian's religion class at church.  The following conversation is just an example of what happens daily in our lives.  No one truely understand what the hell the other person is saying.  Ever.

Lil           Crafts?  For my class?  I love crafts!
Grady     We're getting CRABS?  I love crabs!
Lil           No Grady, CRAFTS!
Grady     Yeah!  Crabs!  I'm hungry.  We eat them in the store?
Lil           Grady, You can not have crabs!
Grady     Mooom!  Lil said I can't have any crabs!
Lil           Grady, it's for my class!
Grady     For your CRAFTS?  Why do you get crafts?  I want to do crafts!
Dempsey Mom. You have no class.
Mom       Shut up Dempsey

Okay, so Dempsey and I really didn't take part in the conversation.  But I'm sure he was thinking that.  He screamed all sorts of things at me while in Michael's .  We left the store with no crafts, no crabs, and no class.  Obviously.

Lillian declared "I'm only going to be eating liquids today since my throat hurts and chocolate is a liquid."

 A fellow customer exclaimed "Wow, ice cream at 9:30am."  As she checked her watch... and purchased a dozen donuts.

The sugar kicked in.  Lil told me she wanted to "scare some people up" in Rite Aid.

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