all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Friday, October 19, 2012

My Faces of Filth and the Destruction of My American Girl Dream

While millions of little girls out there are creating their Christmas lists to include various American Girl dolls, and all the paraphernalia that comes with them, this big girl is wishing to be an American Girl.  If only for one day.  I would like to borrow her soft-as-snow outfit and snowy earmuffs.  I will bathe in her fresh & clean shower with two bubbly curtains and pink sponge.  Who doesn't love a pink sponge?  Then I will crawl into the elegant wooden bed with four turned posts and a lace canopy.  My bedspread is a wool blend, embroidered with delicate flowers.  The bed will have a tufted mattress and a soft pillow.  When I awake, I will jet off to the grocery store in my sky-blue 1974 Volkswagen Beetle that plays five 70's songs, has rolling wheels, a hood and trunk that open, a working horn and headlights, seat belts, a permanently lowered canvas top, and an engine that runs at the push of a button.  It will also come with a "Save the Eagles" car wash sign.  Just in case I have time to run a car wash.  After I return with my supplies, I will make preserves on my cookstove.  My stove is equipped with four pretend cook areas (since I really only ever pretend to cook anyway), a faux-marbleized top for making meals, canning, and other chores.  Forgetting about the other chores, I will put on my butterfly garden PJ's, and slippers with wings, and climb back into my elegant wooden bed.  I will call myself Ivy, and rename my friends Julie, McKenna, and Kit.  All for only a mere $703.  If I have to buy my friends, that will cost an additional $315.  Take that Santa.

Oh, and I almost forgot, I would like to have all the flooring in our home replaced with that fluffy white carpet that all the toddlers play on in the Pottery Barn catalog.  Thank you.  That is all.

My family is filthy.  My American Girl image and fluffy white carpet will only last for one day. Then, the day after Christmas, everyone will stop calling me Ivy.  The dog, guinea pigs, or one of the various children will crap, pee, and/or vomit on my fluffy white carpet and I will take off with McKenna in my sky-blue 1974 Volkswagen Beetle.  Sorry Julie and Kit.  McKenna's a cheaper date.  She's also a gymnast and I just really adore her leggings.  Save the eagles.

All italicized excerpts in the first paragraph are taken from the American Girl doll catalog.  I could never come up with those descriptions on my own.  The only descriptive words I have for my clothing, bed, shower, van, and stove are used, sleep able, soap scummed and hairy, not all door locks work, and black.  Thank you.  That is all.

My Faces of Filth
Disclaimer:  While all faces may not appear filthy, I assure you, filth was involved before and after each photo was taken.



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