Caged, A Tale of Guinea Pigs and Bacon

The triple threat are getting guinea pigs for Christmas.  I must admit I'm more excited than they are.  Only because they don't know about it yet of course.  We don't spend a lot of money on Christmas gifts.  We've discovered that our children prefer empty boxes.  For now.   I found a guinea pig rescue and showed my mom website photos of available pets. The plan is to adopt two females.  Today, mom mentioned that my step-dad, Butch, offered to give us their dog crate.  The cage that fits their lab.  For our guinea pigs.  Hmmm. Won't they escape? The holes will be too big.  Butch is hilarious and quite the prankster, my mom is well aware of this.  But she was very serious when she explained the offering.  She said the crate may be tall,  but the length and width would be the perfect size for the two darlings.  Um, but we'll need to put the cage on top of the kids' dresser so Finn won't eat them.  I'm not sure a large dog crate will fit on the dresser.  Won't people talk about us?  More than they already do?  This seems a bit excessive.  Not that a husband, three kids, a dog, and two guinea pigs isn't.  But still.  Butch has more questions.  What will you do when you travel?  Will the dog sitter feed them too?  All questions my mom and I were pondering...as we contemplated the dog cage.  For the guinea pigs.  And the need for a guinea pig chaperon.  At all times.   

Tonight, I got this text from my mom

Mom:  Lol, lol, butch thought all along I said pigs!!!  he even told brian u were getting pigs 4 the kids.  tells me he wld never had suggested the dog cage 4 two guineas!  Ha ha ha

Pigs.  For Christmas.  My own family thinks I'm crazy.  If I ever buy a pig, or two, it will be for consumption purposes only.  Bacon rocks.  I did hear there will be a bacon shortage in 2013.  Everyone will want to be my friend.

When Finn was a mere three months old, we bought our first home.  Without a fence.  We had to wait two months for the fence to be installed.  I couldn't bear the idea of our precious pup being locked in a tiny crate all day.  I needed something bigger.   Something she could run in.  Sean was active duty military and traveling over seas.  No contact.  No one to run my idea by.  I suppose I could have asked Butch.  But he would have offered me a guinea pig cage.  He's like that.   So instead, I went to the pet store and bought this... 

Finn's crate

 

Photo Source

 

 

I couldn't wait for Finn to try it out. Now I just needed someone to set it up. My friend Joe reluctantly agreed. Not that he didn't want to help. I say reluctantly because I wanted him to set it up in our basement.  It reached the ceiling.  And touched the walls.  Blocking access to the  sliding glass door.  Finn couldn't get outside for doody time.  But I fixed that problem.  I laid linoleum.  And set up newspaper.  She had her own bathroom.  And bedroom.  And living room.  I don't think I'll ever live this one down.  My own personal dog fighting ring.  I think Joe was mostly reluctant because he thought he'd be arrested.  For aiding and abetting. 

 

Now that I'm so much wiser in my old age, I plan to buy a cage intended for guinea pigs...not a dog crate, or a boxing ring.  One that is made for inside, versus outside.  I will hide the little dears at my friend Lynda's house until Christmas Eve.  I haven't exactly run this by Lynda yet.  Lynda, are you reading this?  Will you host our pigs for a couple of nights?  Then on Christmas morning, Sean and I will unveil the gift.  The triple threat will be thrilled for one minute and thirteen seconds.  Then they will set those suckers free.  Finn will eat them.  The kids will play with the cage.   Squeak.  Oink.  Woof.  That's guineapigpigdog speak for what the hell was I thinking?   I'm pretty sure this was all Butch's idea.  Happy Birthday Jesus.  Now where's the bacon?

 

 

 

Toilet seat cover turned necklace.  Thank you Wawa.  Christmas shopping done.

 



We don't bother buying chairs either.