Three Under Five and Still Alive: Discovery

I've discovered that I adore thirty four. Years old. I never want to go back. To my younger years. Sure, maybe I didn't have the gray hairs, or the pouch that forms underneath a c-section scar. Or the sun spots on my face. Or the loose skin on my under arms and knees. But I was dumb then. I thought I was smart. I think I was in a way. I knew a lot about statistics, and Spanish, and Social Work theories. But I knew nothing about life. And now I know something. Not everything. I never will. But something. More than I knew then. Now that I'm thirty four.

I have a toddler. And a preschooler. And a school aged child. A husband. And a mortgage. A smile on my face. Every day. If I should frown, I think of Kiddie City. And I turn that frown... upside down. Because I can. I remember Kiddie City. Because I'm thirty four. And I know that a smile a day, keeps the crazies away. It's something I've discovered.

I've discovered what makes a real good friend, a real good time, and a real good meal. I know what makes me laugh. And what makes me laugh hysterically. I know that I want to be around people who laugh a lot. I tell Lillian to follow those people on the playground. I've discovered the freedom of giving up control. And embracing life. It's out of my control.

I'm still a work in progress. When I wake up to discover my bedside cup of water full of bloated Froot Loops and the plastic ice cube remains of a boo boo bear, I sometimes want to not be thirty four. I do not adore you.

I want to be twenty four
With the world of wonder at my door
But then I remember, all the life lessons learned around age twenty four
And I'm so thankful to not go through that anymore

Sometimes all the calls for mom drive me insane. But then I feel so lucky, for there are some that will never hear that name. I get to see that look of awe, as sugar laden cereal turns milk into a rainbow. That look of adoration as boo boo bear miraculously heals an injury that only mom can see. And then, it feels like I've discovered the world. Exactly how it's supposed to be.