Three Under Five and Still Alive: Sharks Attack Woman For French Fries

I swear I feed my children. I do. I really do. And on the days I do might forget, I throw in an extra pop before bedtime. We attended Spring Fling, a middle school carnival.  The triple threat downed two cups a piece, of cotton candy Rita's. We also got them a basket of french fries. FYI...before we left home they all ate ~~organic grilled chicken atop a bed of organic baby spinach with a side of brown rice~~ pops. Instead of eating the french fries, they laid the basket in the grass and then pointed and giggled at the ants crawling through the mound of ketchup. Then they picked through the french fries and ate the ants.

We head over to watch the melon chunkin'. Wood machines, built by kids, catapulting huge balls of fruit. The mom next to us is also feeding her children french fries for dinner. Her french fries have magical powers. Maybe they don't have ants. The triple threat want them. They are drooling.  They surround this woman. Circling her like sharks. Until she surrenders. Her french fries. She melts at Dempsey's pouty face and hands him one. Then Grady grabs one and runs. Lil casually walks by. Dips down, snags one, and keeps moving.  All in one fluid motion. Like maybe that mom didn't even notice. This triple threat shark attack continues. Again. And again. And then fifty more times after that. The poor, starving woman just starts handing them out. Her faint with hunger daughter brings a few more over. Grady gets mad when there's only little french fries left. He and Dempsey just start throwing them on the ground. To attract ants. So they can eat those instead.   This. Is. Embarrassing.

We show up at Toys "R" Us. All five of us. To ~~destroy stuff~~ play. And to return a bike. After testing out every bike, motorized vehicle, and the patience of every person shopping at Toys "R" Us today, Sean escorts the boys out to the van. Lil and I wait at the service desk. Ten minutes later, receipt in one hand, Lillian in the other, I see visions of Grady flashing before my eyes. I'm really confused. Why aren't you in the van with dad? Did you ever make it out to the van with daddy? Did you come back in here by yourself? Where is daddy? Where is Dempsey? Who are you? Who am I? What the hell is going on here? I want my mommy!

Grady can't talk because his mouth is full of Jolly Rancher Fruit Chew wads. That I didn't buy for him. Because I didn't even know he was still in the store. He was hiding in the candy shelves.  He stole the candy. Evidenced by the half empty box he drops on the floor when busted.  There are balled up candy wrappers everywhere. This. Is. Embarrassing. We had just taken him out to lunch.  To Potbelly's. For peanut butter and jelly. We actually fed all three of them. I swear.