I was late to pick up Lillian from preschool. Barely five minutes. But still late. She told on me as soon as we got home and she got her Gramps on the phone. When I picked her up, her teacher relayed a conversation to me. She asked Lillian, "What does your daddy do?" Lillian told her, "He brings home the money." Lesson learned. Don't be late. Too much time for excess conversation. Lillian asks me, "Mom, did you used to work?" What do you call this woman? Snackin' on bonbons and watching Days of Our Lives? "Did you used to make money too?" she wanted to know.
My transition has been gradual. I worked full time. When I had Lillian and Grady, I worked part time. Once I had Dempsey, the cost of a babysitter outweighed what I was paid. So from the time Dempsey was born until he turned ten months old, I didn't 'bring home the money.' Now I do 'bring home' some money, from work I do from home. When I worked part time, Lil and Grady never wanted me to go. I loved my job, I loved leaving the afternoon chaos (I'm free, I'm free, I'm free!), but I also found it difficult to leave at the same time. Now I'm home and all they talk about is playing on the playground at the daycare down the street. For me, working part time was like being caught between two worlds. When I didn't work at all, I felt weird. Now that I do work from home, I feel bad doing work at home. Moms can't win. That's why moms invented bribes.
Today the bribe was chocolate. Chocolate pudding. Lil and I made it together and ate it right from the bowl. After I ate more than my half, she told me it was time to put it back in the fridge. So subtle that child is. Just like when we were singing to Pandora radio and she told me I shouldn't sing anymore. We could just dance instead. When the Little Mermaid's, Under the Sea came on, she mentioned it was daddy's favorite song. Maybe we shouldn't tell people that. He may not bring us home any more money.
After dinner, we let Grady have some pudding too. He dropped a glob on the carpet and stepped in it. It must have been good because he steadied himself, lifted his foot in the air, and licked the pudding right off his big toe. Finn got the rest. Lucky dog. Why doesn't anyone ask her to bring home some money?
I've decided that while I may not be a bread winner anymore, I'm still a winner. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me! Just as long as I don't sing.