Lil decided last night that she wants to be a hairdresser. I've always been anal when it comes to the kids and scissors. I never let them use scissors until Lillian got marked down on her preschool report card for her lack of cutting skills. The teacher sent me home with a packet of shapes for her to cut out and suggested I have her clip coupons. I don't even cut coupons. If I happen to trip over the coupon circular, I rip a couple out with my bare hands, put them in my bag, then use them to wipe noses. I offered for Lillian to go to her teacher's home for remedial cutting practice. Mrs. Cutsalot decided Lil's skills weren't so bad after all. So...like any wannabe good mom, I bought some scissors. I doled them out as if they were chef's knives. Afraid that at any moment, someone might get stabbed. Or cut their hair off. Then it happened. I was talking to my mom on the phone. I knew I was on too long. I knew the kids were too quiet. I knew that the bedroom door was closed. I should have known someone was either being stabbed or cutting their hair off. Because that's what moms do. They know everything. Well...at least no one got stabbed. But Lil's hair took quite a hacking. She said she was practicing. She lopped off her hair at the nape of her neck and cut herself some bangs. They are the widest bangs you have ever seen. They start behind her ears. Do not let Lillian cut your hair. No matter what she tells you she's going to be when she grows up.
|The crime scene. I'm not sure if Lil looked in the mirror or took direction from Grady.|
|She claims she was trying to be neat by collecting some hair in the Build-a-Bear box. I knew I hated that damn place for a reason It's a conspiracy. Build a bear... then cut your hair.|
|After the late night fix. Cuteness.|
I am thankful we had our family pictures taken last weekend. Pre-hacking. We picked up an extra family member that day. Brooky. A horny caterpillar. Named after Lil's friend at church school. The one with long hair. You should probably warn her. I've never seen anything like this caterpillar. It was hairless and had one sharp spike on its' butt. I'm not quite sure if it was hairless prior to Lil discovering it. She kept Brooky in her pocket the entire time. Until she realized Brooky was smooched. And had squirted horny caterpillar poop throughout her pocket. Because it's just not a good day unless poop is involved. Poop finds me. Everywhere. We wiped out the poop with a couple of
|I am full of crap. I will fit right in with your family. Please include me in your photo shoot. Love, Brooky.|
Dear Athletic Club,
I should have my own personal parking space. I am very important. I have three young children that enjoy scissors, horny caterpillars, and poop. If you agree, please check yes.
__ Yes. You are a very important person. We will create a personal parking space for your lazy ass. Screw the handicapped people. They suck.
__ No. You suck. It's called the G-Y-M for a reason. Get Your Massive ass moving.
Mom of the triple threat