Library = High Rate Hooker

The boyfriend.  Tonight, as I scrubbed the kindergarten off of Lil in the bathtub, she told me her friend has a boyfriend.  And that she has one too.  I started scrubbing harder.   That kindergarten is hard to get off.

Lil - "Daphne has a boyfriend."
Me - "Who?"
Lil - "Cole."
Me - "I think kindergarten is a little young for boyfriends."
Lil - "I have a boyfriend too.  Liam.  L-I-A-M." 
Me - "Since when?"
Lil - "Since the first day of school.  I didn't tell  you because I know I'm not supposed to have one."
Me - "Well, what does having a boyfriend at school mean?  What do you do together?"
Lil - "Well, he doesn't know that he's my boyfriend."

And that my friends, is the best kind of relationship to have.  Smartest girl in America.  And she knows how to spell too.


I've been slacking.  Grady's been wearing shorts and t-shirts out of the house.  Without a jacket.  He does wear rain boots.  And carries a broken umbrella.  With a sharp, metal piece exposed at the top.  So he can stab monsters.  Dempsey wears a coat.  But no shoes.  Lil will wear a sweatshirt.  I sneak  a jacket into her book bag.  So it looks like I care.  She does put on underwear most days.  Chocolate milk and Cinnamon Toast Crunch have been doled out regularly.  Along with other candy bribes.  By 9am Grady is reminding me that he hasn't had any sugar yet today.  And I laughed this morning when Grady chucked a sippy cup at Dempsey's head.  Because he wouldn't stop talking.  I've also been having some relationship issues with the library.


I wish she never knew that she was my girlfriend.  That I really, really loved her.  The library and I have not been on the best of terms recently.  You might say she's trying to dump me.  I didn't even know we were officially a couple.  Until she started charging me for her services.  That temptress!  She lures me in with  her puppets, movies, play areas, and free books.  She issues library cards to each member of the triple threat.  Smiling.  The.entire.time.  Then she has the nerve to expect those books to be returned.  On time.  All twenty three of them.  Every three weeks.  She practically throws books into our laps.  I didn't even want Sneezy Louise or What to Expect When You Find Out Your Girlfriend's a Hooker.   When one happens to go missing?  She charges me 25 cents per day.  Per missing book!  Right now I owe approximately $38.02.   Library = high rate hooker if you ask me.  As of now, Grady and I are DELINQUENT.  That's how she refers to us.  So we just use Lillian's card instead.  That hooker has no idea what she's in for with that girlfriend.

To make ourselves feel better, Grady and I did facials today.  Do these look like delinquent faces to you?  I think not.

Oh I can Grady. I can.  Catch you.

 

Two seconds later.  Mask starts to dry.  "It's burning, it's burning!"  He screams.  Facials with mom, fail.

 

Bras are way overrated.