The Bottle.

Dempsey recently turned two.  This is what Lil and Grady looked like when Dempsey was conceived.

HA HA Mommy...you're pregnant AGAIN???

What were we thinking, you might ask?  I.have.no.idea.

I woke up one morning with a symptom.  A symptom that I've only ever experienced when I'm pregnant.  It has happened every pregnancy and never at any other time.  This is what prompted me to take The Test.

I hadn't even finished peeing and there were two bright blue lines.  So bright in fact, that the infant that was still attached to my boob took notice.  Things were about to get interesting.

We were leaving to go camping with our family in two days.  My dear mother-in-law had purchased multiple cases of wine.  I just knew she was going to kill me.

How to break your mother-in-law's heart?  And oh yes, how to tell the husband?

I did what any awesome wife would do.  I went to the liquor store.

I purchased a bottle of Maker's Mark.  And five lottery tickets.  One for each of us.

I put the tickets, and The Test, in a shot glass on the counter.  I placed The Bottle next to it.

When Sean got home from work that night, he walked right past it.

So I did what any awesome wife would do.  I asked him if he wanted a shot.

The next thing we knew, Dempsey was born.

Um, yea, he's living where?



Beginning in February, Dempsey will go to a two year old program, one day a week.  It will be the first time, in over five years, that I'll have two and a half glorious hours to do whatever.I.want.  I'm already planning my first day of freedom.  I am going for a run.  I will chose a route near a playground.  I will run past that playground multiple times.  Mocking it.  I will clap my hands.  Then wave them in the air.  Next I'll do a fist bump, to no one in particular.  Because I can.   I won't be pushing a stroller.  One worth my weight in kids and the stuff that comes with them.  And because no one will be screaming at me that they must.play.now.  When my run is complete, I'm going to swing.  While guzzling my bottle of Maker's Mark.  Take that playground.

Toddlers can attend the two year old program as soon as they turn two.  This is different from preschool and kindergarten cut off dates.  The cut off date for kindergarten, in our state, is September 1st.  Not that it means much.  I'm a rule follower.  To me that means, if your kid turns five before September 1st, they start that year.  If not, the teachers have a reprieve from said child for another year.  Apparently, the new thing is to hold your child back.  Regardless of when their birthday falls. So they can be the oldest in the class.  Have an advantage.  Read first, add and subtract first, hit puberty first, and drive first.  There are very good reasons for waiting another year to start kindergarten.  I'm in full support of those good reasons.  But it is kindergarten after all.  Not everyone can be first.  Or be the best.  It's supposed to be a classroom of five year olds.  Not seven year olds.  It's good to suck at something.  I purposely try to suck at something on a daily basis.  Other moms are like "HA, HA, you suck!  Let's be friends!"  Sucking at something = making friends.  Kindergarten 101. 

I want Dempsey to drink first.  So I'm holding him back.  So one day, he can bring in The Bottle.  Of Maker's Mark.  To kindergarten.

What the hell are you cryin' about?  I'm the one that's got problems.  Mom's making me start kindergarten when I'm FIVE!