Three Under Five and Still Alive: Why I Trip My Kids. On Purpose.

They're animals. The lot of them. They are wild. Untamed. Beastly at times. Some days they're lions. Some days monkeys.  Other days, birds. Today was a bird kind of day. On some bird days, they peck at me like I'm a nut. Wait, I am a nut. Stop pecking at me.

Mom can we have milk? Can we watch a show? Can we ride bikes? Can we have a pop? What are we doing today? Can you do a double back tuck and land on the kitchen counter?  Who gave you your hair? Where did you get your face? Can we play in dad's car?  Stand on your head, stick out your tongue, and cook me a waffle. Please. Is it hard to find a husband?  Is it because everyone is already married?  Can you stand on one foot and smack yourself in the head over and over and over again? Can we jump from the window ledge? Why will it hurt if we fall out the window? Can we sleep in your bed? What is your soul? Do I have one? Can I be a girl scout? I want to sell cookies. Can we have a cookie? How old do I have to be to drive? Will we go to Disney World before or after I'm old enough to drive? Will you stick your head in the toilet and we'll flush it?

Today they chose to fly. Off the roof. Luckily  it was only the roof of the play house. They did have umbrellas after all. And they don't know Mary Poppins any better than I know the answers to all of their questions. They thought this up all.by.themselves. Genius if you ask me. I should have them tested.

We went to the pet store this week. Grady ate some dog treats, unlocked a couple of cages, and gave a fake turtle to a bird. At least Lillian didn't eat her dog treat, that was meant for Finn. She fed it to a kitten. I had to stick my hand in the cage and try to retrieve the treat. The kitten was not amused. I had to explain to the kids why you should never stick your hand in an animal's cage. While my hand was stuck in the cage. Genius mom moment.

I taught Sean a trick today. We were at the trail, after a run. The triple threat were playing on rocks that border the path. Dempsey suddenly bolted onto the trail. With the eyes in the back of my head, I saw a bike coming right at him. I was able to sweep him to the side, averting the collision.  I didn't have to use my trick. The trick.  For when you have three. And only two hands for grabbing.  And they're all running in different directions. I use a foot. I trip the one that's running toward the most disastrous ending. Works every time.   If anyone is watching, I just pretend I slipped. While grabbing the other two. Genius. Trust me. I am. Give me the test.