all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Mickey Is Not Who You Think He Is

Last night I watched E.T. with Lil and Grady.  It's their favorite movie.  For the moment.  Which means we watch it over, and over, and over again.  Until the kids start to believe they're Elliot and Gertie.  I think this obsession is common among two to five years olds.  It may start before the age of two.  I wouldn't know.  I don't allow my children to watch television or movies prior to their second birthday.  I make Dempsey sit backwards on the couch and read War and Peace.  We're at the part when E.T. gets sick and Elliot thinks E.T. is going to die.  Lil hugs me and says, "Mom, when you get old and die, I want to put lots of flowers on your rock." 

At the pool this afternoon, Dempsey molested two different men.  Both were sitting on the edge of the pool and neither had any idea what was coming.  The first unsuspecting father had his nipple fondled.  The second, a hairy beast of a man, had his chest fur massaged.  Dempsey also likes to plant open mouthed kisses on anyone who can't get up and run fast enough.  My trained response?  Sorry, he's very friendly.  Then I admire all the beautiful flowers on my rock.

Dempsey has also been known to grab Grady's penis.  This is probably why Grady is not yet potty trained.  He is afraid to unleash it.  Today was the second day I put underpants on Grady.  He kept putting them on backwards.  Because honestly, wouldn't you want Buzz Lightyear where you can see him?  What point is there if he's on your butt?  I showed him the flap in the front.  Where he can pull his penis out to pee.  Lillian thought this was the best thing ever.  She immediately disappeared to her room.  That's the moment I hid the scissors.  Knowing it wouldn't be long until she was cutting flaps into all her princess panties.   Yesterday, Gray watched Sean pee.  "I like your penis dad, who got it for you?"  He inquired.  Sean pretended he didn't hear.  But I heard the whole thing.  The first thought that popped in my mind?  Well...since I've been watching E.T. so much I thought I was Elliot and Gertie's mother.  Mary may have been referring to E.T.  but I was thinking about a penis. 

Mary:   If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't touch it, just call me and we'll have somebody come and take it away

Sean should really consider himself lucky because Grady told me, "Mom, I don't like your penis or your vagina.  But I like your butt."  I should have listened to my enlightened friend Maryann when she recommended we call everything mickey.  That way, when my kids talk about these things in public, I'm not smelling flowers. 

Really, I'm lucky to be able to watch E.T.  Our power went out last weekend.  All we could watch was each other.  The first full day without power started quite innocently.  Water play in the backyard.  Pool, sliding board, slip and slide, water table, sprinklers.  In the end, Sean and I Lil and Dempsey were naked and Grady was wearing a skirt.  We gave the kids a bath in the pool. 
Everyone kept their mickey's to themselves.  I could tell you that I mentioned to Sean that I liked his mickey.  But that might make you want to smell your own flowers.

Beginning of the day.

End of the day.

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