The Men's Room

At Grady's third emergency visit, he was prescribed an antibiotic to ward off any possible infection that may take place in the gaping wound still left on his chin.  Held together by a mere two stitches.  Two stitches that dangled precariously.  Probably scared to death every time they came within inches of hard flooring.  The other three stitches jumped for their lives when they had the chance. 

From what I can remember, none of the kids have taken an antibiotic before.  And I'm not sure this was the one to start with.  Thick and bitter.  For the first dose I squeeze the syringe into Grady's mouth as he flies past me.   Nothing to it.  Obviously I am extremely inexperienced with this.  The whole mouthful is sprayed right back at me.  I lay him down.  I squirt it into the back of his cheek.  Same response.  Over the course of three days I try everything.  I mix it with soda, chocolate milk, and ice cream.  I sit on him, bribe him, and try to do it while he's sleeping.  All things that were frowned upon by every pediatrican I searched on Google.  I look in the mirror to clean my face from the full bottle of Augmentin that has built up over the days.  I see a big fat sign on my forehead that reads, You suck at this.  I spit the medicine back at the mirror. 

We load up the van and head off for some flavoring.  Grady picks bubblegum.  He adores bubblegum.  But I learn, not Augmentin flavored bubblegum.   We try it out while we're still at Walgreens.  Out it comes onto the floor.  Barely missing Lillian who is army crawling under the ropes meant to keep people in line.  Doesn't work Walgreens.  Take that!  The pharmacist tries to make me feel better.  She tells me that some of it is probably being absorbed before he has a chance to blast it back out.  Sort of like osmosis I think to myself.  So the next time an antibiotic is prescribed, I will simply leave the bottle under the prescribed kid's pillow. 

Back in the van.  Sean and I are texting.  I had sent him a kid picture earlier.  And it was probably someone elses' kids.  I do this sometimes.  To make myself feel better.  Because I don't like taking medicine either.

Sean   We have the cutest kids in America :)

Me     Yea, especially Grady who just spit an entire dose of bubblegum flavored medicine onto the     floor of Walgreens.  Meanwhile his sister was walking with a cane, acting all decrepit-like, right behind a little old lady.  And Dempsey threw cereal all over the floor.

Sean  I guess we have the cutest monsters in the world.  (no smiley face)


At the pool today, Grady takes off running.  Into the men's bathroom.  I take off after him.    Then stop abruptly when I glimpse the urinals from the propped open door.  It's at this point that I realize naked men may be in there.  And they are not of the age when they are used to their mommies seeing their penises fifteen times a day.  Naked men.  Maybe God is sending me my in.  Since he knows I'll never get a chance to see Magic Mike anytime soon. Maybe I'm supposed to be running into the men's bathroom.  I decide against it and grab a male lifeguard instead.  Because Lord knows I don't want any of the other mothers talking about what a sick individual I am.  They might make me take Augmentin. 

Grady has taken to wearing this mask daily to avoid medicine mishaps.