Justin Fever is a Juicebag

Our first night in Buffalo, Grady tries to kill the fish.  Again.  I thought I was being proactive.  He wanted to play in Conor's room.  Conor being my seven year old brother in law, godson, and uncle to the triple threat.  Sean and I lay out the rules.  And make Grady repeat them.  No window, no door, no fish tank.  Toddler speak for don't jump out the window, don't lock the door behind us, and don't throw shit in the fish tank.  We check on him repeatedly.  But somehow it still happens.  As we're tucking all the kids into bunks that night, Conor points to the fish tank.  Inside is a pair of underwear, shorts, and a shoe.  In my world this is still considered a positive parenting moment.  Because A.  He didn't jump out the window.  B.  He didn't lock the door.  And C.  He didn't throw actual shit in the fish tank.


The last time we were in Buffalo it was Christmas time. Conor was into Justin Bieber.  Lillian got Logan, the Figit friend.  He sings, dances, and interacts.  Conor would scream at Logan, "Sing Justin Bieber!"  Lillian had no idea who the hell Justin Bieber was but would still try to imitate Conor, "Sing Justin Fever!"  Last week Justin Bieber was on the Today show.  Lillian repeats his name as Sean enters the room.  He asks her if she knows who Justin Bieber is.  She says, "Yes, he's a beaver."

While in Buffalo, we visit Lake Erie.  On the way home we run into another big, fat, super jerk.  Only this time, Sean names him.  And it's not big, fat, super jerk.  "How's the red light douche bag?"  Sean yells out the window as we pass the big, fat, super jerk who's stuck at the red light after riding our ass bumper down the road.

Conor - "What did he call him?"
Lil - "A douche bag."

Conor and Lillian discuss this quietly.  Lillian has a question.  She yells from the backseat.

Lil - "Dad, I have a question.  It's about the douche bag."
Sean - "Lillian, don't use that word, Daddy is going to call him up and apologize."
Conor - "How you gonna do that?  Look up douche bag in the phone book?"

Sean and I discuss this quietly.  He thinks it's hilarious she said juice bag.  Um, that's not what I heard.  There was most definitely a D sound, followed by a shhh sound.  You know, like what do you get when a water truck collides with a vinegar truck?  Doushhh.  Don't act like you never told that joke either.  I couldn't help myself.  Have I ever mentioned how much I love the 80's?

Discussing the douche bag

We celebrated Grady's birthday in Buffalo.  And in case this is your first time reading my blog, you should know that my children are pop addicts.  Grady's great grandparents know him well.  They got him a really.big.pop.

A really.big.pop.

On the ride home, the kids are happy to sport their new UPS hats, courtesy of grandma.  We stop at a gas station where a little old lady admires their new gear.  "I like your sexy, green hats."  She tells them.  Sexy. Green. Hats.  Yes, that's what she said.  She's been listening to a little too much Justin Bieber.

Sexy. Green. Hats.

In the end, I'm just glad Lillian has no freakin' idea who Justin Bieber is.  I hope she continues to believe he's a beaver.  Oh Justin Fever, you juice bag you!