Three Under Five and Still Alive: I Promise. And Other Lies My Children Tell Me.

The bank loves our family. We give them our money and we only visit the drive through. The bankers can smile and wave from a safe distance and pass out some pops. The only real form of communication is a speaker. One that can be turned off once they've heard enough from the minivan entourage. Or if they get tired of me asking them for more money. Sorry Mrs. Barnum, you can't just drive up here and ask us for money all willy nilly like. You actually have to put money in....then you can take it out. In...out...in...out. See how it works? And you can't come here just for pops either. Our people know.

This week I broke an unwritten rule (never take the triple threat to places where there are people).    I took them into the bank. When we pulled up, I asked Grady if he wanted to ride on my back in the carrier or sit in the stroller. He picked....walk. Um, that wasn't an option. He begs me.  Claims he'll stay right next to me. Says he'll hold my hand.   Then he agrees to my list. No running, no screaming, no taking off in the parking lot. Keep your shoes on, keep your clothes on, keep your diaper on,   Do not touch yourself, your siblings, other people, the money, or anything else you may happen to see.   "I promise." Grady ~~outright lies~~ says.

We make it through the parking lot. We walk in. Grady and Lil on either side of me. Dempsey in the stroller. Grady drops my hand and takes off running.  Opens the door of the unoccupied mortgage lender's office and shuts it behind him. Now is my chance. Take my money and run. But what about the other two? Can I out run them? Will they try to follow me? Except I don't have my money yet. I leave my pile of stuff, and two orphaned children, at the counter. Then remove Grady from the office before he signs off on any mortgages. I put him in charge of Dempsey. With instructions to stay on a gray square of carpet.  Who would have thought there would also be gray carpet squares on the opposite side of the bank?  Dempsey's stroller races across the bank, with Grady shoving it from behind.  Grady spins Dempsey in circles for their finale.   I haul the boys back to the counter. Lil and Grady begin their acrobatic routine. Somersaults and Twister like positions.  They stayed on the gray carpet. It did sort of resemble gymnastics mats. The banker whispers to me, "Can they have pops?" You must be new here.

As we're going to sleep that night, Sean reminds me of camping. The night Grady woke up at 2am in a panic. He couldn't find his paci. Then Dempsey woke up. Both were screaming.   Sean frantically searched for paci. Grady found paci first...lying on his own shoulder. He turned to Sean and said, "This will be funny in the morning." Yes, Grady, it will be. It always is.

What makes mornings, and every other time of day, funny....