Naked. Searching for Pee.

I get out of the shower this morning and discover a fully loaded princess pull up next to the tub. An offering.  From the potty gods.  Is this a sign, I ask?   I wander about the house.  Aimlessly searching for something.  While naked.  I discover another discarded pull up.  It's like a scavenger hunt.  For pee.  I wonder what I will win in the end?  The opportunity to get dressed?   Everyone in our cul-de-sac is home during the day.  I'm sure they take pictures.  Then I see Grady with a pop in his mouth.  His find after dismantling child locks.  I throw it away, and go put clothes on.  Barely two articles of clothing later, I find Grady with two more pops in his mouth.   He tells me, "I don't have nothin'."  He is very sneaky.  I notice three pop wrappers...squished underneath yet another pull up.

Seriously. A peeing bandit.  In my house.  This is crazy. I tell Lil and Grady they have five seconds to come clean about the pull ups.  Lil admits to the pee fest.   She says Grady told her to do it. Both are banned from candy for the rest of the day.   I know it's hard for Lillian to be the oldest.  Having her brothers get more attention sometimes.  She gets the same candy that Grady does for using the potty.  But not today.  It was a banned candy day.  Grady has been doing well with his new found friend swallowerofallthingsgrossandsometimestoystoo.   He still went today, for high fives, not Skittles.  He says he is quite excited about the fact that one day, his butt will be as big as mommy's.  Then he won't have to worry so much about falling in.  He does that sometimes too.  On purpose.  Just dips his butt in a little bit.  You know, to clean it off.  Don't you feel stupid for never thinking of that?

Lillian is a paci bandit too.  She tries to steal Grady's.  She called him upstairs the other day.  "Grade, can I talk to you a minute?"  She yelled down the hall.  "We need to have a compromise."  She offers him a 'pass to her palace' for a paci.  I can't wait for that paci pirate to come.  Today, Grady told me the paci pirate could have his yellow one, he'll just keep the green one.

By the end of the night I'm ready for their mom to come home.  I wonder how much I'll get paid for tonight.  Lillian bounces on the couch, "We are trouble kids."  She giggles.  I am in trouble.  Giggle.

All peed out.

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Ode to Mommies

I knew everything there was to know about having children.  And then I had them.  My dear friend Erin is a mommy that I've always looked up to.  I looked up to her first as a friend, and then as a mom.  She became a mother before me.  Her oldest is fifteen months older than Lillian.  I will never forget the day her newly crawling son picked up a dog toy and put it in his mouth.  She didn't flinch.  Um, well, okay, I love you and all, but um, maybe I'll just skip that particular technique.  Then Lillian was born.  I always wanted to be a laid back mommy.  And I think, for the most part, I was.  As laid back as you can be with your first born.  I remember washing paci's when they fell on the ground, laying down a blanket for her to crawl on while in the waiting room at the doctor's office (um, yea right, that was a winning technique...good luck with that one), and dressing her in adorable, brand new, stain free clothing.  Then...she began to take a liking to raw hide, bathroom floors, and boy's clothing.  Yup, the jig was up.   Um, Erin...do you have any extra dog toys your kids aren't chewing?

Erin and I have always had sleep stay over parties with our kids, trading houses.  It is a chance for us to drink and smoke  chat about the love we have for our darling children and husbands, and the kids to wreak havoc play.  We're  up to five kids put together, with one on the way (Erin...not me...thank you Jesus it's not me this time).  Erin's twin sister, Maureen, another dear friend and mommy idol, often joins us with her daughter.  I don't think Maureen was too fond of the dog toy technique.  And I'm pretty sure she's not jumping on that bandwagon.  But that's okay.  Because she's quite fond of the candy technique.  I like that one too.  I can remember giving Lillian her first piece of bribe candy.  She had a dreaded well child visit,  shots included, and I needed to find a dress for my cousin's wedding.  I gave her a Dum Dum lollipop.  I won't tell you how old she was because you'd talk about me.   But it worked.  All of my children are now lollipop addicts.  I only have myself to blame.  Me and my pop technique.  I'm known for it actually.  Can you see me puffing my chest out right now?  I'm quite proud of myself.  Kids know me.  I'm the pop lady.  They track me down.  I buy them in bulk at Sam's Club, 360 to a bag.  Yup, that's me.  I am mommy...hear me roar.

Everyone needs mommy friends.  You are all great mommies and great friends.  And this is what I've learned from you.

1. Amanda, Always say please and thank you
2. Melanie, Birthday parties and a playground = instant success
3. Kristin, God always has a plan
4. Krysta, Love our Earth...and our Christmas trees
5. Erin, Make everyday fun and fun of everyday
6. Maureen, Celebrate every holiday...and always have lots of candy on hand
7. Faith, Chickens in the backyard...that just plain rocks
8. Asheley, Moms sometimes have to be the dad too
9. Rachel, Spoil your kid's teacher
10. Emma, Patience
11. Lynda, It's okay to slow it down sometimes
12. Amy, Speak honestly with your children
13. Katie, You want your two year old to poop on the potty...feed him blueberries
14. Tricia, Being an aunt, makes you as dear as a mommy
15. Maryann, Laughter works every time
16. Moe, You can never love your daughter too much
17. Jenny, Be true to yourself

And to all the mommies out there...you rock.  Just because you're you.  A mom.  Puff your chest out a little bit today. You are mommy...ROAR.