all images © Meghan Boyer Photography

Friday, August 23, 2013

Under Where? Under There. Do You Wear Underwear?

I got the shout out from Lil tonight.  From my bedroom.  That the movie was over.  I went up to tuck her and Grady into bed.  Grady was already asleep.  On his back.  Arms above his head, legs spread out in a V.  With a pillow covering his entire body.  I whip the pillow off.  Only to discover he's completely naked.  Not what I was expecting.  But really, I should have expected it.  I think I saw him smirk in his sleep.  Because this is Grady's idea of a 'weally' funny prank.

I did find this weally funny.  And it weally was a welcome change.  From the other side.  The cracked side.

Because you see...I am cracked out.  On butt cracks. 

Grady and Lillian do not wear underwear.  And at an official 32.8 and 42.9 pounds, respectively (their official weight with clothes, not to include underwear) they do not have much junk in their respective trunks.  I blame this on their father.   Because I, however, do have much junk in my trunk.  And I wear underwear.  In case you were wondering.  Their lack of junk has lead to what I will refer to as 'butt crack syndrome'.  Their bottoms fall down and their butt cracks creep out.

When Grady had his 4 year old check up this week, the nurse asked him to remove his shirt and shorts as she was leaving the exam room.  In preparation for the doctor's arrival.  I casually mentioned that he doesn't wear underwear.  She suggested that I ignore her previous suggestion.  I quickly told her that I do wear underwear.  I had to.  To cover my own ass of course.

We spent last week at a lake house in the Adirondacks.  Each morning, a duck family swam up to our dock.  One duck in particular got quite lucky.  The kids liked him.  They fed him the cereal part of their Lucky Charms.  After they ate all of the marshmallows out of it.  They liked him so much, they lovingly named him 'Butt Crack".  Because that's how they roll.  Grandma encouraged them to call him 'Butt Quack'.  They tossed that name aside like a brand new pair of underwear.

When Sean's mother and grandmother came to visit a couple of weeks ago, we got slightly distracted one evening while preparing dinner.  The boys were missing.  Sean found Grady biking his way up the street.  In his underwear. And nothing else. With Dempsey in pursuit.  Perhaps trying to catch him.  To remind him that he was wearing underwear.  And should definitely remove it before biking.  Because what else are brother's for?

Now Grady can be a bit temperamental when it comes to other people not wearing their underwear.

The last time he saw me naked he told me that he still liked me.  Even when I'm naked.  And promised that he wouldn't even laugh.  He would only laugh if I told him something funny.  While I was naked. 

Now Nanny on the other hand.  Well she received a much colder reception when she chose to go commando under her bed time clothes.  When Nanny invited Grady to sit next to her in bed to watch a movie, he told her I don't want to sit next to you because you're not wearin' underwear and I don't want to see your penis. See.  He's a bit confused.  About everything.

Here's what you can take away from all of this.  If it looks like a duck.  And quacks like a duck.  It might just be Butt Crack.

Butt Crack the Duck declined to be photographed for this story.

I will never show my face again.  Only my butt crack.

Uncle Conor and Grady.  All cracked out.

Lil, Uncle Conor, and Grady.  The clothed cracks.

Aw man.  Why are you talkin' about my butt crack again mom?

She refused to give a statement regarding her excessive exposure of butt crack.


1 comment:

  1. hahahaha! This was hilarious. This might just be my favorite story of the day, maybe even the whole week. I love that he couldn't sit next to Nanny because he didn't want to see 'her penis' LOL. Kids are so effin' funny. My daughter referred to a penis as a 'tail' for the longest time when she saw my husband getting out of the shower at age two. For some reason it must have reminded her of our dogs tails. She never forgot it and till this day, I'm not certain she knows the appropriate term for male genitalia....and she's 6. whatever, I'm good with that for now. Thanks for sharing. Enjoyed the read. I have a fairly new mom blog myself that I started in May, -- I'd love for you to check it out---you'd find that your no underpant wearing children are quite similar to my nudist daughter. :)