I was too scared to run while pregnant with Lillian and Grady. I ran throughout my pregnancy with Dempsey. Never those long runs though. The ones that I adore. The kind where you have no idea how far you've run or how far you have left to go. You're just running. Away from something? To something? I never know. I just keep running.
Then breastfeeding got in the way. I've heard stories of women pumping mid-run. But I was afraid I might scare someone with my floral hooter hider. On the side of the road. With my double negative A's.
I'm really excited. I've always liked to run. But it means so much more to me now. It's just for me. It's a break for my brain. Hours at a time, spent on a trail. Alone. Running. Thinking. I rarely hear my own voice. Or anyone else's.
In my childhood days, running meant playing tag or sports. In college, it was running for the keg. But I still ran to it. Really fast.
Now running is just a part of me. A part that I keep for myself.
I'm stronger this time around. I've spent six years pushing a jogging stroller. And I still do. Sometimes. But not on Saturdays. My day. The day I do my longest run.
Pushing a stroller has made me stronger. So has having children. And being married for eleven years. Being part of a family for thirty five years. And a friend for almost as many. I've beaten things I never thought I'd have to confront. I've lost at times too. But I've always had me. And a body that could run. I am blessed.
I've committed myself to my kids. And my husband. And my family. And my friends. I am blessed. To have those people in my life.
But I'm stealing my blessed self away for a little bit now. And giving myself up to my running addiction. I'm going to immerse myself in me.
So I may not be posting as much this summer. And early fall. But it's only because I am running.