When Sean was driving our family off the field after Lil's soccer practice this week, I was thinking. I was thinking so much, I may have said yes to leaving for Disney World the next day. To pops for breakfast. I was thinking I might be a soccer mom. Two of my three kids play soccer. I'm a mom. Does that mean I'm a soccer mom? I don't want to be a soccer mom. Or do I? Who am I? Who do I want to be?
I feel like I've changed so much in the five years since Lillian was born. I was for sure a different mom then, than I am now. A different woman then, than I am now. A different wife. No better. No worse. Just different. More experienced. I have the grey hairs to show for it. I do believe Sean has been rubbing his head against mine while I sleep. Those things jump. From his head to mine. That's my theory anyway. I'm sticking to it.
I've learned to let a lot of things go. I don't care as much what others think of me. I do care what those closest to me think. I want my children to be happy. I want them to help others. Care about others. Share themselves with others. Be thankful for what they've been blessed with in life. And know that the things they don't have, aren't as important as the things they do. The things they don't have, are not as great as they seem. I want them to know they are loved. And to love back. To face every day and every person with a smile. To laugh. To cry. To be angry. To forgive. And know all these feelings are okay. I want them to say yes to many things. While also embracing the word no. Even to me. Sometimes.
I want them to work hard. For everything. To see Sean and I as an example of that. I don't want them to have everything. Nothing means much if you do. I want them to have things to look forward to. And memories to look back on. I want them to be involved. Be able to give their all, to all they choose to participate in. But still have a chance to be a kid. I want them to choose wisely.
Sean and I agreed that each child would participate in one activity at a time. It's easy to say that. Harder to stick with it. I don't want to spend my time running from one activity to the next. I don't want all of our conversations to happen with me behind the steering wheel. I don't want to make a meal, served at five different times, corresponding with each family member's schedule.
I want to spend time with family and friends. To teach what is important. And what is not. To share. Laughter, boredom, elation, and despair. Kisses, hugs, cheese puffs, and birthday cake.
Who am I? A mom. Wife. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Granddaughter. Sister-in-law. Daughter -in-law. Niece. Aunt. Cousin. Godmother. Most importantly, I'm just happy. To be all of these things. To be me. And that is who I want to be. I will not be defined by anyone but myself. I am not a soccer mom. I am a mom whose kids enjoy soccer. For now.